This week on our blog we want to address the elephant in the room. What do you do when your spouse sins against you? Should you address it? Ignore it? Or run from it? We all have sinned and fallen short of God’s Word. But what happens when you’re the victim to their sin or bad decisions.
What if you even saw it coming based on their behaviors? You warned them, but they did not listen. So, what do you do? Who can you turn to? You are frustrated, anxious, confused and downright angry.
Yet, no one must know what you are going through. Right? You keep the mask on tight and tell yourself,
So, you ponder on this question, “If you love me like you say, why do you treat me like you do?”
There are many Married People who have lived through this situation. You are not alone! You now find yourself at a place where you just can’t figure out what went wrong.
As a wife your thinking, I keep myself up. I come home to cook a good meal. I take care of the kids. I try to keep a comfortable and clean home. Even with all of this, he still treats me poorly.
As a husband your thinking, I work hard and bring “home the bacon”. Nothing I do is good enough for her. I try to show her that I care, but she rejects it. Even with all of this, she still treats me poorly.
No matter what you do. It’s still not enough to change them!
Through our experience and some hard knocks in life. We have discovered some key drivers that lead to this type of sinful behavior.
**Disclaimer: Now this is not a “get out of jail” free card and an excuse to sin. However, we just found that if any of these areas are brewing within your marriage, the result of it can lead one spouse to sin against the other.
This is not an exhausted list, but this is what we call the "7 Elements of a Deadly Marriage Storm":
If you find yourself taking residence in any of these areas. You should immediately evacuate! The exercise of these elements will brew a storm of sin and destruction in your marriage.
So, how do you prevent these elements from appearing? Remember, the way you respond to your spouse is critical. You have the power to speak life or death over your spouse. Your response is powerful and can shift the trajectory of your marriage. In other words, you can choose to respond from your natural sinful nature or from your heart as God leads you.
Which do you choose?
Hopefully you chose the latter, from your heart as God leads you. The bible is chockful of spiritual nuggets that give us clear direction on how to handle such predicaments.
Listen, you can’t change your spouse, only God can!
Jesus teaches us in Luke 6:28 that we should bless those who curse you and pray for those who hurt you.
Then Paul teaches us in Ephesians 4:26 that we can be angry, but do not sin and don’t let the sun go down on your anger. This basically means, don’t hold grudges and be angry for long periods of time.
In Romans 12:12(b) it teaches us to be patient in trouble and keep on praying. Then in verse 19 of this same book and chapter it teaches us to never take revenge, leave that to the righteous anger of God.
Also, in 2 Corinthians 13:5 Paul teaches to examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.
Furthermore, James 4:3 teaches us that your prayers may not be answered because your motives are all wrong when you pray. Do you want them to change for you and how you think they should change or for God’s will to be done?
Finally, Matthew 18:15-17 teaches us if another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church….
You got it? Let’s review these steps based on the scriptures sited above:
We pray that this discussion has enlightened you and inspired you to take the right approach if you are dealing with a spouse that has sinned against you and/or treats you poorly.
There is so much to say about this topic. What’s on your mind?
Question: What are some of the effective strategies you have embraced to prevent this storm from hitting your marriage?
Please share your comments below with the community. The great thing is that we are all in it to win it! Also, if this blog has blessed your life; please like and share this with your friends.
Sharing is Caring!
Live in Peace,
Billy and Yolanda
**P.S.- If you are in this situation and have not been successful in calming the storm. We would encourage you to book us for (one) FREE 20-Minute Coaching Consultation. We are here to serve you and your spouse and we will assist you in calming your storm. We will determine together at that time if our Coaching services will benefit you. All FREE Coaching Sessions are done via Skype. No need to leave the comfort of your home!
In the summer of 2009, I (Billy) was working night shift. Before the night got started, my co-workers and I would go somewhere for dinner. One of our favorite places was a buffet restaurant that served just about everything. I loved the buffet!
As soon as I paid for my meal I would hit the first station, plate in hand. I had a system down. I would never get salads or bread because, in my mind, those two items took up too much room. The buffet had selections of chicken, (fried and baked), pastas, roast beef, steaks and ham. Along with all the different sides, I didn’t want to waste time or room in my belly for salads (the greens that is), bread or desert.
I’d sit down, pray, and then kill it. Before I could finish up my last bites, I was eyeing the buffet to see what would be next on my second and third plate.
I had gained almost 100lbs with this bad habit of eating.
Let’s go back in time when I met my wife. I was in great shape. At this time in my life I was at the gym almost every day. If I couldn’t make it to the gym, I was at least running three to five miles. My weight was 205 pounds and I was pretty lean. My workout was routine and intense. All of this working out and being in shape hid one important negative factor for all who saw me from the outside; my intake of food was the same as it was in 2009.
Crazy isn’t it? The eating habits I had at 285+ pounds in 2009, were the same eating habits I had five years prior. Let’s not forget the alcohol problem added to the bad eating. I was a prime candidate for heart disease and stroke. I didn’t realize it then but my ‘inside’ was evolving into a potential deadly disaster.
As the years went by, I stopped working out and the eating habits took its toll on me and our marriage. My habit and eating brought about high blood pressure, and bad sleeping. I was snoring so much that I had to sleep in another room away from my wife on numerous occasions because I was keeping her awake at night. Because of this, I was prescribed to use a CPAP, in other words a sleep machine. Now how sexy is that to my wife?
It was at this point, I had to do something. I had to make the choice to change. Not to mention, that my father died instantly at the young age of 57 from a heart attack. I didn’t want to leave my family like this, due to bad decisions.
So in 2012 I finally made the ultimate decision, if I was going to lose weight for the last time, meaning keeping the weight off, I had to master eating right. In other words master and monitor what I put in my body. I wasn’t looking to lose weight fast. In fact I realized for the first time it wasn’t about losing weight; it was about becoming healthy. I was looking to invest the time that it took to research healthy living. Because we are all individually structured, I had to find what worked for me and my body in being healthy. With healthy living, I just knew the weight will begin to fall.
I have friends that say, "Man! You could die tomorrow! You have to live life to the fullest!" My question is what if you don't die tomorrow? You've lived life to the fullest and the results of that 'living' start to take a toll on you. God's intention for you is to live a long fruitful life. With that said, don't you think it would be a great idea to invest in a healthy lifestyle?
When I began my health journey this scripture helped me in many ways.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Don’t you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body.”
Key in on the text, “…sanctuary of the Holy Spirit…” When you put in your mind ‘sanctuary’ you think about a dwelling or home. For instance, when we move into a new apartment or home, we can’t wait to decorate it how we want it. In other words a living environment we would be glad to call home. If we would do that for a house made by man, shouldn’t we do that for our bodies made by God?
He blessed us with the gifts of the Holy Spirit and faith, both housed in the sanctuary of the temple; our bodies. Our bodies were created by God for His purpose and glory. Our bodies should be fit and a healthy home for God’s gifts to us just as we make fit and healthy homes for ourselves.
This scriptures motivates me to be very careful of what I put in my temple because I am so grateful for the gifts inside me. What I put inside me, be it food and scripture, I consume with the intention of feeding God’s gifts in me!
The text also states, “…You are not your own, for you were bought at a price…” God has plans for you. It doesn’t matter what goes on in the world around you, He is in control. Part of the power in His plan is YOU.
How exciting is that?
One huge crucial part about being obedient is knowing that you belong to Him, not you. You were created for His purpose, not yours. When He created you, He created your hands; your feet; your ears; your hair; your eyes; everything about you for His purpose. This all falls into Him being in control.
Just think, you are a part of a large ‘salvation’ process, if you allow yourself to be. What makes you valuable is the sacrifice Jesus made for you on Calvary. Because of that sacrifice you were ‘bought at a price’ and saved by the blood of the Lamb!
Thank you Jesus!
Who knew you could get this excited about being healthy! It is exciting because you now realize the purpose to not only your existence; but to now understand the knowledge of your being.
And when I have my days when I want to fall off in my old habits of non-healthy eating habits I read a text from 1 Corinthians 9:27 “Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”
God is so good!
That’s what I love about the Word, just when you think you can’t; the bible shows you that with God you can!
So forget about all the times you have attempted to lose weight. This journey is not about weight loss. In the past you may have been able to lose some weight under your own power. If you are like me, you’ve even spent years destroying the temple you have created by God with bad food, alcohol and other substances not meant for the good of the body.
There are juices out there, healthy meal plans and exercise that may help the outside but, (and remember this), only God can heal you. This is why this spiritual preparation is important before we even get into healthy eating and exercise. Because if God is not in your journey, you are just walking, enroute to nowhere.
We hope that this motivates you to first mentally prepare, then equip yourself with the knowledge and wisdom of God to healthy living. In a future blog we will revisit this topic and I will share more practical tips on how I started this healthy lifestyle.
In the meantime, don't take life for granted and make the choice today to Live in Peace with your body, mind and spirit!
In His Grip,
Billy and Yolanda
Join the Conversation!
We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. We encourage you to comment below.
Here are two questions to consider:
1) What is the one area blocking you from living a healthier lifestyle?
2) What state of physical shape would you like your body to be in over the next 5 years?
Authors Billy & Yolanda
This is the place where we share our heart through God's Word in faith that will inspire and empower you to live in peace.