If You Love Me Like You Say, Why Do You Treat Me Like You Do?

This week on our blog we want to address the elephant in the room.  What do you do when your spouse sins against you?  Should you address it?  Ignore it?  Or run from it?  We all have sinned and fallen short of God’s Word.  But what happens when you’re the victim to their sin or bad decisions. 

What if you even saw it coming based on their behaviors?  You warned them, but they did not listen.  So, what do you do?  Who can you turn to?  You are frustrated, anxious, confused and downright angry. 

Yet, no one must know what you are going through.  Right?  You keep the mask on tight and tell yourself,  

• It’s all good! 
• I will be fine. 
• We will fix it. 

You are looking for answers, but nothing seems to trigger what you should do.

So, you ponder on this question, “If you love me like you say, why do you treat me like you do?”

There are many Married People who have lived through this situation.  You are not alone!  You now find yourself at a place where you just can’t figure out what went wrong. 

As a wife your thinking, I keep myself up.  I come home to cook a good meal.  I take care of the kids.  I try to keep a comfortable and clean home.  Even with all of this, he still treats me poorly.

As a husband your thinking, I work hard and bring “home the bacon”.  Nothing I do is good enough for her.  I try to show her that I care, but she rejects it.  Even with all of this, she still treats me poorly. 

No matter what you do.  It’s still not enough to change them! 

Through our experience and some hard knocks in life.  We have discovered some key drivers that lead to this type of sinful behavior. 

**Disclaimer: Now this is not a “get out of jail” free card and an excuse to sin.  However, we just found that if any of these areas are brewing within your marriage, the result of it can lead one spouse to sin against the other.  

This is not an exhausted list, but this is what we call the "7 Elements of a Deadly Marriage Storm":

1. Unconscious Manipulation
2. Negative Reactions to Simple Requests
3. Tearing Down vs. Building Up
4. Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Absent
5. Disrespect and Selfish Ambitions
6. Accusing and Assuming vs. Affirming and Acknowledging
7. Exaggerated Correction (You never….You always) vs. Specific Edification (I am finding that this happens often enough for me to notice it...)

If you find yourself taking residence in any of these areas.  You should immediately evacuate!  The exercise of these elements will brew a storm of sin and destruction in your marriage. 

​So, how do you prevent these elements from appearing?  Remember, the way you respond to your spouse is critical.  You have the power to speak life or death over your spouse.  Your response is powerful and can shift the trajectory of your marriage.  In other words, you can choose to respond from your natural sinful nature or from your heart as God leads you.

Which do you choose?

Hopefully you chose the latter, from your heart as God leads you.  The bible is chockful of spiritual nuggets that give us clear direction on how to handle such predicaments.   

Listen, you can’t change your spouse, only God can!

Jesus teaches us in Luke 6:28 that we should bless those who curse you and pray for those who hurt you. 
Then Paul teaches us in Ephesians 4:26 that we can be angry, but do not sin and don’t let the sun go down on your anger.  This basically means, don’t hold grudges and be angry for long periods of time. 

In Romans 12:12(b) it teaches us to be patient in trouble and keep on praying. Then in verse 19 of this same book and chapter it teaches us to never take revenge, leave that to the righteous anger of God. 
Also, in 2 Corinthians 13:5 Paul teaches to examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.

Furthermore, James 4:3 teaches us that your prayers may not be answered because your motives are all wrong when you pray.  Do you want them to change for you and how you think they should change or for God’s will to be done?  

Finally, Matthew 18:15-17 teaches us if another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.  If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church….

You got it?  Let’s review these steps based on the scriptures sited above:

• Bless and Pray for Them
• Be Angry But Don’t Sin and Carry Your Anger Out Long
• Be Patient and Keep Praying
• Examine Yourself
• Don’t take Revenge in Your Own Hands
• Check Your Motives When You Pray
• Go Privately and Point Out the Offense
  • If that doesn’t work, take 1 or 2 others with you and go again
  • If that doesn’t work, take your case to the church. 

We pray that this discussion has enlightened you and inspired you to take the right approach if you are dealing with a spouse that has sinned against you and/or treats you poorly.

There is so much to say about this topic.  What’s on your mind?

​Question:  What are some of the effective strategies you have embraced to prevent this storm from hitting your marriage? 
Please share your comments below with the community.  The great thing is that we are all in it to win it!  Also, if this blog has blessed your life; please like and share this with your friends.  

​Sharing is Caring!

Live in Peace,
Billy and Yolanda 

**P.S.- If you are in this situation and have not been successful in calming the storm.  We would encourage you to book us for (one) FREE 20-Minute Coaching Consultation.  We are here to serve you and your spouse and we will assist you in calming your storm.  We will determine together at that time if our Coaching services will benefit you.  All FREE Coaching Sessions are done via Skype.   No need to leave the comfort of your home!  

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